Archive for the ‘Care Giving’ Category

Katie Brown

It’s OK to Ask for Help

September 25th, 2012 - by Katie Brown

Being a caregiver was the hardest job I never applied for.

Like so many others, I was thrust into this position of responsibility and care without training, guidance or support. But I did it willingly because the person needing care was someone I dearly loved.

Throughout the care giving journey I learned many lessons and tips.  One of the most valuable pieces of advice I think I can share with someone new to care giving is that it’s OK to ask for help.  You don’t need to do this alone.

Most caregivers put their own needs and feelings aside when giving care to their loved one with cancer. I never thought about myself or my needs during that time. I was acting out of desperation to find any and all ways I could help ease the burden of lung cancer on my dad and my family.  In an uncontrollable situation I was constantly trying to find things I could control.  It kept me busy, it kept my mind occupied from wandering into negative scenarios or thoughts about losing my dad. But I later found out that putting your needs aside for a long time isn’t good for your health.

Your own health may fail and you may not be able to care for your loved one. And they need you.

This is why it’s important to ask for help.

It’s common to feel stressed and overwhelmed during the cancer journey. Like your loved one, you may feel angry, sad, or worried. Try to share your feelings with others who can help you. I had the Lung Cancer Support Community members, and I tried to talk to friends.  Truth is, they didn’t fully understand what I was feeling or experiencing, but it did help to talk about how I felt.  If you don’t have a good support circle to vent or share your feelings with- you can journal your feelings.  Many people begin to blog or reach out over message boards and social networks.  You can even talk to a counselor or social worker.

 

Talking can help.

 

It’s a good idea to talk with someone if your feelings get in the way of daily life or begin to overwhelm you to the point of dark thoughts, sleeplessness and uncontrollable anxiety. Maybe you have a family member, friend, priest, pastor, or spiritual leader you can talk to. Your doctor may also be able to help during this time.

Here are some other things that may help you:

  • Know that we all make mistakes whenever we have a lot on our minds. No one is perfect.
  • Cry or express your feelings. You don’t have to pretend to be cheerful. It’s okay to show that you are sad or upset.

I spoke on a panel discussion a few years ago and a survivor said something that I will never forget and I repeat often.  Survivors get a schedule of events.  They have appointments, scheduled treatments and medications and medical professionals dedicated to them.  They are the ones with the cancer so they have a free pass to be angry, whine, be tired, complain and have bad days.  Caregivers get the short end of the stick.  They have to pick up the pieces, shoulder the burden of responsibilities, care for the patient, be an encouragement and cheerleader and do it all with a smile on their face.  Who takes care of a caregiver when they are feeling overwhelmed, helpless or hopeless?  I was in awe that this survivor had such insight into how some caregivers feel !

  • Focus on things that are worth your time and energy. Let small things go for now. For example, don’t fold clothes if you are tired.
  • Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can.
  • Spend time alone to think about your feelings.
  • Spend time doing things that are not cancer related.

 

Asking for Help


Many people who were once caregivers say they did too much on their own. Some wish that they had asked for help sooner. Be honest about what you can do. Think about the tasks you can give to others. And let go of tasks that aren’t so important at this time. Asking for help also helps your loved one because it lessen your burdens and gives you time to do things that bring joy back into your lives.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Remember, if you get help for yourself:

  • You may stay healthier and have more energy.
  • Your loved one may feel less guilty about your help.
  • Other helpers may offer time and skills that you don’t have.
  • Not only helps to relieve physical responsibilities but it may help relieve some financial burdens too.

One of the most important things I learned in hindsight-   There are people in your life who care about you and want to help.  People WANT to help.  Allowing others to help you makes THEM feel useful and gives them a way to care for your loved one too.

Click here for a great list of resources that might help you during your care giving journey.

 

 

 

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Juhi Kunde

Should We Tell?

September 12th, 2012 - by Juhi Kunde

I am drained and tired. I have nothing to write about. My ideas are stupid and my words are cliché. I can barely draft a complete sentence.

Why am I so fried?

Because I just found out someone dear to me has cancer.

I keep trying to read as much as I can about it. But all I have is the generic name of the cancer. And I can only go so far with that on Google. I need more information but the family is reluctant to tell me more.

They know that I will attempt to gain control of the situation. They know that I will be up late at night scouring the millions of cancer pages on the internet for hidden answers. So, they speak in circles and make me dizzy with worry.

I wonder if it could be a cultural thing – an Indian thing. Maybe it’s an artifact of immigration. Or perhaps it’s just that modern families are often spread across the country or even across the world.

In so many families the question arises: Should we tell them?

Whatever the specifics, the basic scenario is the same: the family is split-up. Typically, the parents still live in their home while the kids have grown up and moved away. Then the inevitable case of poor health strikes someone, somewhere. And the question rears its ugly head.

Most families have an unspoken understanding of some sort. Often minor illnesses, such as colds and ear infections, are safe to keep from the rest of the family but anything requiring a cast or hospitalization should be disclosed.

In these situations, most family members want to hear the news, however bad it is. But sometimes the other family members are unwilling to burden them.

They don’t want them to worry. They don’t want them to spend hours on the internet instead of working. They don’t want them to buy expensive last-minute airline tickets.

But they also don’t want to lie.

So they tell partial truths. Or they “forget” to mention the critical details. Or they pretend the reports have been delayed.

The irony is that all these antics to avoid causing worry could be causing far more concern than the naked truth would have.

Obviously, my preference is for sharing the complete truth but I know there have been situations where I had to think long and hard about who to tell and how much to tell them.

What about you?

Did you have to decide how much to tell your family about your cancer journey?

Did you have to decide whom to tell?

How did you make these difficult decisions?

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A Caregiver’s Commitment

March 19th, 2012 - by admin

by

Jeanine Goldsmith

My cousin Stephanie Jenkins defines an incredible caregiver.

She participated in the Breath Deep DC walk this past November with her mother Lydia who is a lung cancer survivor.

As a caregiver, Stephanie’s unconditional support, love, and commitment is to the well-being of her family.  When Stephanie’s mother was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer in November 2010, she didn’t think twice and moved her family, which includes three children between the age of 5 and 11 from Georgia to Maryland to be by her mother’s side.

Due to her mother’s illness, Stephanie also had to assume the caregiver role for her father who suffers from Multiple Sclerosis.    For over a year, Stephanie has had to sacrifice her personal life to serve has primary caregiver.  She had to sell her home in Atlanta and quit her job, all while raising her children by herself and caring for her parents.  Because Stephanie is a full time caregiver for both her parents, there is a major financial strain on the family.  All of these factors would put a strain even on the strongest of individuals.  Despite these obstacles, Stephanie continues to be determined to find ways to make things work somehow, someway.

Even though she knows why these sacrifices were necessary, I know it must be hard to deal with the fact that the independence you once had has been stripped from you and the life you once had is put on hold indefinitely.  I do the best I can to constantly remind Stephanie that her sacrifices are not done in vain but of course it is hard to look beyond the present chaos and see the bigger picture.

Currently, her mother is beginning a new treatment plan and is still trying to get her strength back.  I can only image how hard this whole situation has been on Stephanie and it breaks my heart to see her struggle to make ends meet.  Regardless, she continues to do what is necessary for her family and has never lost sight of the importance of that.

I admire my cousin for living up to what it truly means to love selflessly and unconditionally.

Thank you, Stephanie, for being an incredible caregiver!

If you are a lung cancer caregiver in need of resources or support, please visit LUNGevity’s online lung cancer Caregiver Resource Center.

Because of the lack of resources available specifically to lung cancer caregivers, many feel isolated and lack supportive people around them. Here at the CRC, caregivers can gain knowledge, learn care giving tips, get support from others and obtain hope.

The CRC is a dedicated place where caregivers can access an online community 24 hours a day with peer to peer support and advice from others who have been in their shoes. Caregivers can find information, tools and resources to effectively carry out the caregiver role.

The CRC will arm caregivers with information on what to expect after a lung cancer diagnosis; what questions to ask; how to help the patient; ways to take care of themselves and resources available.

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Oddball Beating the Odds

February 15th, 2012 - by admin

By Nikki Campo

In March, 2011, my mom was diagnosed with pleurisy.  Except it wasn’t pleurisy.

After a couple rounds of antibiotics, the pain in her chest was still there when she sneezed, and her energy level was low.  I like to think I know my mom better than anyone else (maybe my dad would beg to differ), and she just didn’t seem like herself to me in the months that followed.  When May rolled around, my now-husband and I had one month remaining until our wedding, and I had decided to spend one week of that at home with my mom to finalize wedding plans, relax, and have some mother-daughter time.  That week, during a no holds barred wedding week fashion show for my mom (I trust her twenty-plus-years-in-clothing-retail fashion sense to my not-so-keen one), she had to excuse herself to take a nap.  And I will never forget that moment for as long as I live.  I knew something was wrong, and there was no escaping that knowing.  I stood in my rehearsal dinner dress and heels at the dining room table and became aware of my heart beating.  That day, I asked her to get a chest x-ray, and I asked my dad to make sure she did.

She had the chest x-ray the week before our wedding.  The results showed spots covering both lungs, but since she was 57, a never-smoker, and healthy, the doctors repeatedly assured her it wasn’t cancer.  They thought it was more likely a fungus, tuberculosis, or scarring from a past case of pneumonia.  Another round of tests for those came up negative, and so she was given the OK to head off to Mexico for our wedding, knowing there would be more tests to come upon her return.  The wedding was perfect.  One week in Mexico with our immediate families, and everyone had a blast.  We have memories to last us forever.  Back then, in that week, everything was ‘normal’ everything was perfect, everyone important in my life, as far as I knew, was well.

Six days later, on June 22, 2011, a bronchoscopy revealed our worst nightmare: adenocarcinoma of the lung.  I still can’t shake the horror of the ‘finding out’ conversation.  My husband and I were back in the states, but in a hotel in Chicago.  I knew the test results were coming back, and so I had called my parents at least 5 times each, but got no answer.  I was sick to my stomach.  Finally, my dad answered and gave me the news.  In a daze, a breathless and alternating mix of tears and silence, my husband and I rented a car and drove 90 miles home to Rockton, Illinois where my parents live.  From that day forward, our lives were changed.

Further testing at Mayo Clinic the following week revealed a spread to a mediastinal lymph node, indicating her cancer was stage IV.  The cancer covered both lungs in a so-called miliary pattern that my parents described back then as something akin to snowflakes.  A quick peak online at prognosis statistics was plenty to send me straight back into a personal nightmare so devastating I can’t put words to it.  But after a few days of misery and not doing much other than crying, blankly staring at a wall, or hugging my ever-strong, ever-comforting, and always-smiling at everyone, mom, I threw myself into research.  There is a LOT to learn when it comes to lung cancer!  Per the suggestion of a survivor and now friend, I ordered a 500-page report from Dr. Ralph Moss on lung cancer, accumulated and read books and articles galore, and scoured the earth for legitimate resources that could help me understand the disease and also provided something that allowed me to feel hope.  It was in this time that I first came to know LUNGevity, and have leaned heavily on its research and resources ever since.

In the end, we decided, prognoses aside there was hope.  Adenocarcinoma of the lung is on the rise among never-smokers, and no one quite knows why just yet.  But there is a population of people for whom the relatively new targeted therapy called Tarceva, an oral pill taken once daily with minimal side effects, works well in both reducing tumors and prolonging life.  One of the traits of that population is possession of the genetic mutation known as the EGFR mutation.  Long story short, my mom has it.  We rejoiced.  We had hope that she would beat the odds.

In the two months that elapsed while we fought with insurance about why they should cover Tarceva, my mom did not take any prescription medications.  She had decided that intravenous chemotherapy was not for her.  Instead, we drastically overhauled our diets to be whole food and plant-based with few processed and refined foods and she started on a supplement regime prescribed by the wonderful integrative cancer care physicians at the Block Center in Skokie, Illinois.  (Sidebar: my gracious employer, Bain & Company, granted me a leave of absence to stay with my mom and my wonderful husband, who currently lives in California, did the same.)  By the time Tarceva was approved in August, my mom’s chest pain was lessened, the slight cough she had at night was gone, and she wasn’t napping anymore.  I’ll never forget when her oncologist, upon listening to her lungs with a stethoscope for an unusually long time said with a furrowed brow, “Dena, I’m listening for bad, but I don’t hear bad.  Your lungs sound great.”  She’s an oddball, and we like it that way.  After all, doesn’t it hold that an oddball would be more likely to beat the odds?

On November 29, she had her first CT scan since starting Tarceva in mid-August.  To our surprise, the cancer was reduced by 50%!  We were absolutely thrilled.  I had read in a few places of patients who were happy with 10-20% reduction over the course of many months, so to get 50% in just three months felt absolutely miraculous.  There was simply no better way to head into the joyous Christmas season.  Most importantly, my mom felt better than ever.

In fact, she will tell you that she feels better now than she has in a very long time.  Maybe that has something to do with the fact that she decided to retire from her job in retail which could carry with it some stress, and instead is focused on living life to the fullest.  My mom and I love to practice yoga together.  We take a cooking class sponsored by the Cancer Project held at Healing Pathways in Rockford, Illinois on Tuesdays.  Recently, she started with a 12-week program at the YMCA sponsored by Livestrong, and is also fulfilling a long-time dream of earning her Master Gardener Certification.  She’s a busy woman!  But I think what she most loves is getting to spend more time with her two grandbabies and the rest of her extended family and wonderful husband, and all of her many friends.  We continue to thank God for His mercy and grace in her life.

To everyone affected by lung cancer, know that there is hope.  Know that you can advocate for your health, and that there are wonderful resources available to help you do that if you want to!  My advice would be to talk to your doctor, ask every question you have, look online, read books, find support groups, and talk to those who’ve gone before you.  My mom and I also love talking to others afflicted by this disease, whether you’re feeling hopeful or not.

We’re not physicians, and we certainly don’t have all the answers, but we do have HOPE, and we would love to share that with you.

________________________________

My mom is truly a rock star!  To showcase her awesomeness, we have opted to make Breathe Deep events a family affair.  Our first was the 5th annual Pauline Moraco-Arredondo walk in Chicago in October 2011.  We made matching Campo Family t-shirts for that event that we now sport at other events.

The other two Breathe Deep 5K events for our family in 2011 were in Nashville, Tennessee (my sister’s family and my parents participated) and then in San Jose, California (my husband and I participated).

We look forward to more in 2012!

Thanks LUNGevity for all you do!


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Katie Brown

Caring for Lung Cancer Patients

February 7th, 2012 - by Katie Brown

Brenda Nachtway once worked in a hospice program.

She has witnessed firsthand the importance of giving care to patients and families who have been directly affected by lung cancer.

Recently LUNGevity held a caregiver contest where people from across the nation nominated incredible lung cancer caregivers during lung cancer awareness month.

We received many nominations of lung cancer caregivers who willingly and selflessly devoted their time to care for their loved ones battling lung cancer, while often neglecting themselves in the process.

Brenda’s employer (Direct Care Alliance) posted about LUNGevity’s caregiver contest in their online publication, “The Direct Care News”, their weekly national e-newsletter.  When Brenda saw the notice about the contest, she knew just who she was going to nominate.

Like Brenda, there are special individuals who choose care giving as their profession.  They willingly accept the responsibility of someone else’s care, and do it with compassion, patience and grace.

While we were only able to award one prize, we wanted to take the time to honor all the lung cancer caregivers who were brought to our attention and with Brenda’s permission we are re-posting her nomination of Leslie Bach.

“I’m nominating Leslie for more reasons than words could even speak.  I was a co-worker of Leslie’s for many years in a hospice program in PA.  I was her mentor.  I watched her grow into her position, and when I left I knew she would lead and give a wonderful gift of care giving.

Leslie has cared for many lung cancer patients over the years, but more importantly has shown compassion, gentleness and love.

Today, Leslie is now showing the same care to a dear friend of mine who is now fighting the battle of lung cancer.  As I speak to my friend and her family they speak very highly of Leslie and the compassion she is showing my friend and the loving support she is providing.  This is why I feel Leslie is deserving of this nomination.  To care for lung cancer patients day in and day out and then return each day with a refreshed and renewed desire to do it again the next day is amazing.  Thank you Leslie!”

We think Leslie is an amazing caregiver too!

Thank you to all the special individuals who choose care giving as a career.

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