This Damn Cape keeps getting in my way.
Ever felt like you had to save the world or at the very least carry it around on your shoulders? That is how I feel most days. It is not because I have super powers or because other people ask me to jump tall buildings. It is because everyone tells me “I must still be here for a reason.” Or “God sure has big plans for you”. I get it. I am very very blessed to be alive and I don’t want to take that for granted. But instead of “Carpe Diem” I seem to relate better to “Oh Captain, My Captain”.
I want to enjoy every minute and live life to its fullest but sometimes I am afraid I am missing the big reason God saved me. What if I am supposed to be saving the world but instead I am watching “Revenge” on Wednesday night? Should I be training harder for my triathlons so people will see that lung cancer is an obstacle not a barrier? Or can I just float in the pool and practice my cannonballs? What if all that science and research and prayer was in vain? What if I don’t save the world? Seriously this really is what runs through my head some nights.
In fact it was running through my head when we were in DC at the LUNGevity Hope Summit. What is the right thing say? What will help vs. what will hurt? I couldn’t get out of my own way. I couldn’t figure out why I was 6 years out and so many others were still in the weeds.
Then on Saturday evening something changed. I laughed with a (now very dear) friend about snot running out of our noses because of the O2 tubes. I didn’t cure her cancer that night and I didn’t come anywhere near saving the world but we laughed at snot jokes. Letting her know that the road may seem long and that it may seem lonely- but we are team and in this together- seemed to make my drippy nosed friend relax.
I found that sitting in a room full of survivors helped me feel normal again and that maybe sitting with me was serving the same purpose to those I was with. Turns out trying to save the world may actually be distracting me from trying to help my friends.
It is amazing what a little change of perspective and some fancy bowling shoes can teach ya….
Thank you Hope Summit for reminding me that my damn cape can sometimes get in the way.